Whole Body

When you ask me what I’m up to I consider telling the truth. I even whisper it out loud to see how ridiculous it would sound “I’m in Whole Foods buying ‘bath bombs’ what about you?” I make something up. Good thing there’s a tiny person on my shoulder nudging me to “keep it vague.” I decide on lavender chamomile but it feels like the most Virginia Woolf option don’t you think? Didn’t plan it like this but it feels contrived in retrospect. I feel my phone double buzz through my pocket but I keep moving through “whole body” to stay mysterious. I think I hate it here. Quietly considering how I have never owned an essential oil which makes me think they must not be so essential? My thoughts are moving in circles again.

Three more steps and I’m back to your initial question. “What are you up to tonight” as my least favorite mating call. Is it safe to mention I recorded this morning’s news? Carson Daly’s showing us how to make a Valentine’s Day mocktail and I can tell he’d rather be anywhere but here. What did you do last night? Don’t tell me. I made friends with the oldest man in the room not in a flirting way but maybe in a flirting way but mostly in a I felt the most connected to him out of everyone there kind of way. In a I am the old man on the balcony in a room full of young couples kind of way. Told him about the sign they were building outside of my apartment when I left for work this morning. Your name in all caps. Bright green letters 24 hours of your biblical name, dull in daylight, flashing neon by night. I’m not sure what it means he didn't either so tonight I’m going with nothing.