3:04

We’ve been here before but they say it doesn’t hurt as much the second time. Isn’t it difficult to believe them until it happens to you? I need the pain to land on my skin, I need to feel it with my eyes closed. You can keep the instructions written on the back of the box. The ones we wrapped up with the rest of the scraps taken to the curb last night. Do you think they’re going to turn our discards into something new? It’s too much to think about right now but maybe that’s because our inner dialogue is competing with the sounds coming from the kitchen. We’re
dicing vegetables to the beat of a song littered in your name do you remember the one?

Shuffle threw me under the bus the way it always does. How masturbatory the way this song keeps whispering your name and isn’t it the last thing we needed to hear? There are a few tears making their way down to my chin and I’m hoping nobody can see but at least I can blame them on the onions this time.

There are two new blisters since Saturday and that’s because I’m not designed for running. Is anyone? My body is rejecting the act in subtle ways like the birth of large bubbles some on the inside of my skin, others right on the surface. All of them seem to be begging for a release or perhaps just a change in cadence. My pace I mean. A suggestion in the form of mild pain. Is this my body asking my brain to slow down again? There’s been plenty of friction back and forth across the sand so maybe it’s time I stay put to see what stillness can do.

Tonight we’re drinking margaritas and I’m in charge of the salt on the rims but I promise that’s not all I’m good for. The sky is turning a pink orange and blue at the same time and you better hurry to the back deck before everything’s a memory. I stare steep enough that my neck cramps but sometimes pain is worth it, tonight the pain is worth it. The colors seem impossible in the most beautiful way and maybe that’s why we’ve filled the lawn chairs at maximum occupancy. Reclined and watching the sun disappear we’re making up stories about the departures and arrivals. They come and go or is it the other way around? We watch the planes leave a trail against the atmosphere while we sit and choose the difference.