Walmart
A few thoughts not meant for me leak into the back seat while we head back into the city and I sit hoping that I’m mistaken. Still I ask my mom if maybe our dog is dying. ‘We all are’ she says. I cry on instinct but do what I can to reverse the emotion. Like a car’s slow decline from driveway to curb I pray no one can hear the effort it takes. Still a tear or two fall from my face down to the burn on my left shoulder where the shade missed a spot. Perhaps my body knew which surface was in need of cooling. The contrast feels nice, wet to warm and I stay put searching for a distraction. Something to eliminate her lingering words from my mind tonight.
Please don’t ask me why I’m wide awake unless you want the truth. I’m too tired for another fight it’s a better use of my effort to surrender. And let my brain drift to places like the thought of the gravitational pull, moon to sea earth to sky me to you. Black holes and falling deep enough to see ourselves from the other side of space. Do you still think about the shelves at discount department stores? Rows and rows of things and stuff. Where it all came from where it’s all going. I still have that tiny constellation hanging around my neck. Four stars at the top and three at the bottom. It swings across the edge of my sternum I sandwich it between my palms when I’m nervous do you remember the one?
It’s my second time at this Whole Foods today and I wasn’t looking to make another trip but it’s on the way home and now I’m at the front near the potted plants and sunflowers 3 for $15. If you need me I’ll be standing by the sliding glass doors making long distance phone calls. I think the security guard can see my face changing shape but maybe that’s in my head. I can tell we’re both relieved when the wind picks up and cuts the heat into halves then fourths then so on. It moves my side pony in and out of my face like maybe that effort will wipe up any residual precipitation. Tears I mean. Perhaps if dead cells could empathize. Do you think one of these fair trade bundles with the half opened buds could be my temporary cure?
