Stay

Last spring when the only thing that felt close to good was going on walks long enough for something to go numb. Back and forth over bridges and along the water if the weather was right. I kept it up for a while, we kept it up for a while. The moving more to feel less. I could tell it was working when my fingers began to tingle and my feet swelled up half a size you know the feeling? How many steps before my mind could go blank. Not blank blank just closer to nothing than something if that makes sense. I’d trade anything to stop wondering why you and I had been on the phone so late that night, why you had chosen me for your walk home. I still do what I can to avoid that corner on the way to our favorite bar to Molly’s apartment to all of the spots in between I’d grown to love. You can’t go from love to hate so quickly can you? Somehow by late July I was back again. Do you remember how nervous I was? The night we ate our burgers out of brown paper bags on the sidewalk. Close enough to see everything from the corner of my eye. I wanted to get out of there so badly could you feel it? I’m sure that’s why I heard the sound of your voice in my ear. Stay stay stay. And so I did, I know you know. Everything felt better knowing you were there.