What type of avoidance would you call it. Keeping unsaved numbers so they blend in with the rest. A curated way of dodging the inevitable. Self preservation again or an attempt at least. We know more than we think we do. What I mean is, did I already know how it was going to go? Like when we read the last bits of text the last page before the rest. Maybe that’s bad luck, if you believe in any of that all of that. It has to end though. Everything does. Everything dies. Thinking about this right as I walk past “No one ever really dies” pasted to the side of the scaffolding. Okay Pharrell. Okay okay. Physics. The energy goes somewhere else but still whatever that was is over now. Long gone. A death of something. One can weigh heavier than others but aren’t we the ones holding the scale? Take it away from me. The power I mean. Go low to go high to go low to feel something that’s how it works. Physics again. I’m uncomfortable in cruise control. Shaky limbs and a tight feeling that swirls through the center of my chest. Deep breaths to let the feeling dissipate. I’ve been losing things more rapidly than ever before. My left earring both of my credit cards my grandmother’s necklace a portion of my pride left on the back patio. Keep it all though I don’t need it any of it. Let me lose it all feel it all grow it all over again.
