Floors

I don’t want to take a nap because I never do but now I’m home early enough and it feels like the right thing but only if I lie here, body to hardwood floor. Anything more than that feels like too much of a commitment I’m sure you can relate? But does it even count as letting go if I set my alarm or should we just pretend there’s nowhere we need to be. You can let me know. But I tell you it feels better to pretend because it does. Even if I know you know I hate “fake it til you make it” maybe we should pretend this never happened? Airplane mode works too. Hand me your phone and I’ll show you what I mean.

I’d been searching for something cool, as in temperature and now I’m lying here wondering how it took me this long to find my footing. By footing I mean flooring as in the cool surface of the wood panels holding my room together. Holding my room apart? I think it depends on how you’re looking at it but isn’t that always the case? It only takes a few minutes skin to surface before I can feel my body start to surrender. First my gripping then my breathing then my thoughts, if I’m lucky. Today I’m lucky.

I sat next to the empty stool framing the beer so if you want to blame this on that you can go ahead. But now he’s back the man that belonged to the beer and I’m telling him stories about friends with babies like maybe that’s what he was hoping to hear. Stories about young parents seem like a downer but not after two more beers because now those young parents have become my young parents. Back to me. We’re back and forth reminiscing about dads with car phones in the middle console. Placing fake calls to fake people take me back to that. Rolling down the windows and fake dialing your fake number while I wove my fingers in and out of the cord connecting phone to car. It sounds pretty nice right now he agreed it sounded nice but maybe that’s just what coming full circle can feel like.