I wonder how long you’ll keep it up. Perhaps forever. A lot of people keep it up forever. Or maybe you’ll let her down right before she sets a plan. I’ve seen that several times too. Is it true more of us are taking our time now? I know couples with babies and an apartment and enough beautifully convincing photos. But still they sleep in separate beds. I wouldn’t trade them. You asked me why I gave up on math. I was pretty good though not as good as you. I asked you why you gave up on writing. You didn’t have an answer either. Last time I was back I could see the small changes in my parents. The kind you only notice with time apart. It felt nice to drive a car again. Perhaps familiarity was what felt nice. I rolled the front windows down. Enough so the cool air wafting off the surface of the water could leak in. Begin to outweigh the stale air. I cried driving past my grandma’s old house this time. So did my dad. We loved her the way you can only hope to love someone. You said there’s no place you’d rather be. I wonder if that’s a feeling you start with or a feeling you choose. My dog nudged me with her long black nose before I could overthink it. Somehow dogs know when to interrupt, when to stay close. I think the more I look for the answers the more they hide from me anyway. Would it be better to write you a letter then burn it to ashes? Maybe I’ll try that next time.
